Facts about Sean Lafferty's Mustache

Sean Lafferty's mustache taught Billy Blanks Taekwondo.
Sean Lafferty's mustache can cure cancer. Too bad it is illegal to pluck it's hairs.
Sean Lafferty's mustache counted to infinity - twice.
There is no face behind Sean Lafferty's mustache. There is only another mustache.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Sean Lafferty's mustache.
Sean Lafferty's mustache is what Willis was talking about.
Sean Lafferty's mustache ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Sean Lafferty's mustache always has sex on the first date. Always.
Sean Lafferty's mustache was hoisted on the Flag-Ship Niagara during the battle of 1812... it gracefully commanded "Don't Give Up the Ship."
Sean Lafferty's mustache does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Sean Lafferty's mustache during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
Sean Lafferty's mustache can speak braille.
Sean Lafferty's mustache's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Sean Lafferty's mustache... No one!
The Millcreek Mall was designed in the shape of Sean Lafferty's mustache.
Sean Lafferty's mustache doesn't sleep... It waits for news.